My days are filled with sadness. How else should I feel when my mother is as crazy as she is? She's always yelling and screaming at us. She’s always angry and hitting us. Well.. Lately she’s been kind of slow, because she just had my baby brother. I should be happy for her, she finally had her baby boy; but I’m not. Why should I be happy? That’s baby number eight for my mother. In my opinion, she needs to stop having babies. She says I’m 12 years old so I don’t have an opinion.I heard her telling her friend on the phone that she was going to keep trying until she had a boy. She finally had her baby boy, I’m suppose to be excited. I hope she treats him better than she treated us.
It’s not the first time that my mother put a man before me and my sisters, and I know it won’t be the last. I know I shouldn’t say that, he’s just a baby and it’s not his fault that she seems like she loves him more than me. You should see him, he’s so tiny. He was born really early, he’s no more than 2 pounds. He can’t even breathe on his own. My grandmother says he was born early because of the fight my mother had a few weeks ago with my oldest sister Lena. That makes me sad. They’re always fighting, and it’s always up to me to break it up. I’m tired of that. My dad said I could come and live with him full time, and not just on the weekends. If my little sisters and I had the same father that would be perfect, but because we don’t; I can’t leave them with my mother. Another feeling I have daily is confusion. I don’t know why I was born into this type of family. My friends say it’s going to get better, when I turn 18 I’ll be able to move out on my own. I’ll have my own space and I won’t hate my mother so much, but what about right now? I don’t know if I can make it another 6 years in this house. I don’t know, what’s a goddess to do?